Well, that’s a first!
The first time I’ve ever cried real tears over an Orca Whale, that is.
Do you know what I am talking about? I’ll briefly remind you, just in case you do not.
A Mother orca whale, named Tallequah or J35, gave birth to a calf on July 26. It lived for a mere three hours before it died. J35 proceeded to carry her calf around on her nose for 17 days and through thousands of miles of ocean. Many scientists want to label her behavior as grief, while others say that we can’t really give human emotions to whales. Regardless it took this Momma whale 17 days before she was able to part with her calf.
I know every mom who watched her felt sympathy for her. And I also know every bereaved mom who watched her was heartbroken and cried real tears for her.
Because in a lot of ways all bereaved moms are her.
We carry the weight of our children’s death everywhere we go and just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s gone away.
Some days that weight is extremely heavy, but other days it feels lighter.
Even though Tallequah was surrounded by members of her pod, none of them could carry that calf for her, though they were still there to support her. Just like there is no one who can carry the burden of our child’s death for us, there are still people surrounding us who are willing to help us lighten the load.
Many people want to support you, but they just don’t know how. People worry about saying the wrong things, they worry about interfering, they worry about doing too much, or doing too little, which is why you need to give them some direction about what you need.
If you feel that you need a little support, no matter how far along you are in your grief journey, don’t be afraid to ask.
What tasks do you find challenging right now?
getting groceries?
cleaning out the closet you been avoiding?
attending a grief group?
designing a memorial or headstone for your child?
I would never have survived Garrett’s death without all of the members of my pod who laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me, swore with me, listened to me, and most of all remembered with me!
Everyone has a pod! Reach out!